our wedding day: the dress

Emily
Apr 4, 2024
5 min read

I picked out my wedding dress weeks before Justen proposed.

yes, haha, you read that right.

back in mid-June of last year, we traveled to Houston, TX (where I grew up) and spent the weekend with my family. it was Justen's second time meeting my parents and his first time meeting my siblings. it was also my mom and I's well thought out way of giving Justen a chance to have time with my dad to... you know ;)

I remember us being really back and forth about whether it was too soon to ask my parents' permission to propose. Justen wanted so badly to do this right, and we knew our timeline was fast. it had just been a couple weeks before that we heard the Lord prompting us to get married in December instead of summer 2024. we felt kind of crazy, but we knew it was right.

it's hard to explain that feeling (well, really more than a "feeling" but a knowing) that you've heard something from God. it's hard to explain in words, but once you know what His voice is like, it becomes easier to recognize.

we knew God wanted us to get engaged soon, and my parents–having gotten engaged after 3.5 months of dating themselves–were fully on board. they trusted us and had loved Justen from the first day they met him. and they trusted that I had made enough dating mistakes that I knew what I wanted at this point, lol.

and they were right! my mom was so excited to have Justen come stay with us that she even printed out our Instagram pictures of us together and put them in frames around the house. it was the most hilarious and sweetest thing ever.

that weekend was special to us on many levels beyond the purpose of this post, but it was the context in which we started looking for my dress. while we gave the boys some bonding time at the house, my mom, sister, and I went to a bridal shop that we had made an appointment at weeks prior.

we tried on several dresses, but around the third or fourth (I think), I tried on the dress and had this reaction...

I really didn't expect to have a "say yes to the dress" kind of moment where I put on a dress and just knew it was the one, but honestly, I'm not surprised it happened. it felt very on brand if you will for how I felt when I met Justen and knew pretty much immediately that he was going to be my husband.

on the wedding day

fast forward six months or so, and we've had fittings and alterations and come up with a custom sleeve add-on to the dress (I technically had three dresses for the wedding, but more on that later).

enter, wedding day :)

I touched on this briefly on my Instagram story today, but there was so much happening in between the moments of putting on the dress with my mom and sister and going downstairs for the first look with my bridesmaids.

I had a pretty intense body image freakout right as I was supposed to be heading downstairs (and on a tight schedule), and it totally caught me off guard.

I remember looking at myself in the mirror after a few minutes and complete panic settling in.

I look like an oompa loompa!

no, I seriously thought this, y'all. I wasn't freaking out because I thought I looked fat or gross or whatever, but because I thought I looked ORANGE 😂

it's funny now because I can look back and see that I had nothing to be worried about. I look at our photos and think I looked beautiful and that my makeup was so well done. but something about that shock factor looking in the mirror and having gotten a spray tan two days before really did me in.

the makeup team had left, and it was just me, my planner, photographer, and videographer left in the room. everyone was waiting on me. I was the wild card, the one who got to decide what happened next. they were ready to move me downstairs and to keep progressing through the timeline of the day.

and I was frozen.

I can't remember if I started crying or not (probably not because I didn't want to mess up the makeup anymore, lol), but I do remember asking about 100 times if my makeup looked okay. I kept saying, "I look so orange / red, I look scary!" everyone there was beyond gracious with me. I'm sure they got sick of my anxious questions (something I get insecure about), but they met me with so much calm and reassurance. my photographer's second shooter even took a few photos of me and showed me what they looked like to help me have proof that I didn't look like a clown.

now I know all of this might sound silly because at the end of the day, makeup doesn't mean anything. but in that moment, I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself. I saw myself as ugly and clownish and scary-looking on a day I was supposed to feel my most beautiful.

it was disorienting and frightening.

but this picture below is so sweet to me. let me tell you why...

the moment that I turned around and saw myself for the first time–hair, makeup, and dress all together–I was giddy. I saw a gorgeous bride! I felt so beautiful.

but then I kept looking.

and kept looking.

and started staring.

and nit-picking.

and noticing that my face was red.

and then I thought it was orange.

and then I thought I looked ugly.

and then I knew I looked ugly.

and in a matter of about 90 seconds I went from "oh my gosh I look amazing" to "oh my gosh I can't go downstairs looking like this."

did my appearance change at all?

nope! but my mindset did. the way I saw myself did.

now that it's been over 3 months since the wedding day, I feel like I can freely talk about this moment, but at first I felt embarrassed that old insecurities had crept in.

wasn't I over this by now?

am I seriously upset at how I look on my WEDDING day??

why am I upset when we just spent all this money on professional hair + makeup?!

the shame spiral came fast and hard.

in John 10:10 of the Bible, Jesus talks about how the thief (aka the enemy / the devil) comes "only to steal and kill and destroy" but that He "comes so that they may have life and have it in abundance."

if you've struggled with your body image on big days like your birthday, holidays, wedding day, etc. please know that you're not alone. your feelings are real, and at the same time, Jesus came to rescue and redeem you from shame. He has called you beautiful, regardless of your appearance. You are beautiful because He says you are and because He made you and made no mistakes. don't give the enemy have a foothold on these days of great joy.

much love,